Tim Atkin | Master of Wine

Contributors

Ron Washam

Ron Washam

At a tender age, Ron turned away from a career as a comedy writer to become a sommelier. One could say he prefers spitting to gagging. He served nineteen years as a sommelier in Los Angeles, and was twice named Sommelier of the Year by the California Restaurant Writers Association, primarily because he was unbeatable in the swimsuit competition. He also serves as a professional wine judge in many formerly prestigious competitions. He is one of only one HoseMaster of Wine in the world and writes a monthly satirical column for timatkin.com

 

All posts by Ron Washam below

4th Oct 2017 in Articles

Wine is Just So Depressing

It’s just so hard to learn about wine. I try and I try, but, frankly, it’s depressing. Really depressing. I guess that’s just the way of the world right now. Everything makes me anxious and hopeless—even wine. There are countless books... Read more

 

4th Sep 2017 in Articles

The Emperor of Wine Donald Trump's Guerrilla Guide to Wine

Wine is simple, folks. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s simple. Believe me, I know simple. I married simple. Wine isn’t hard to understand. It isn’t hard to understand, trust me. Angela Merkel is hard to understand. I think... Read more

 

6th Aug 2017 in Articles

Parker in the Bardo

The Emperor of Wine was brooding. What had it all been for, he asked himself. The power, the points, the bluster. Now, nearly 70, the body breaking down like En Primeur sales without his scores, collapsing under its own weight, mired in the... Read more

 

6th Jul 2017 in Articles

The Threat of Global Wine Terrorism

The threat of global terrorism has finally reached the wine business. Wineries, importers, sommeliers, wine writers— all have found themselves under siege from various loosely organized but determined groups of wine terrorists. Each of these... Read more

 

8th Jun 2017 in Articles

News from the Court of Natural Sommeliers

The Court of Natural Sommeliers is pleased to announce that it is now accepting applications from qualified people in the wine trade who wish to pursue their N.S. There are currently 256 Natural Sommeliers in the world—220 are women, 30 are... Read more

 

2nd May 2017 in Articles

Sam Euthanasia, the World's Oldest Wine Critic, rates the 2016 Bordeaux

While other critics try to be the first to publish scores of a new Bordeaux vintage, Sam Euthanasia, who, at 95, is the World’s Oldest Wine Critic, as well as the most influential, takes his time. “Listen,” he tells me, “I’m in no... Read more

 

3rd Apr 2017 in Articles

Crapaholics Anonymous

Hello, my name is Ronald. And I’m a Crapaholic. Hello, Ronald! This is my first time speaking at a Crapaholics Anonymous meeting, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the wines I drink lately. I drink wines I like.... Read more

 

6th Mar 2017 in Articles

How the Russians are secretly destroying the wine business

Solid evidence has been slow in coming, but there is little doubt that over the past decade the Russian government, under the direction of Vladimir Putin, has been tampering with the wine business. The tampering has taken many different forms,... Read more

 

6th Feb 2017 in Articles

FemSomm

Finally, Ladies, a new wine credential that will take the Miss out of wine misogyny. FemSomm! FemSomm is an idea whose time has come. Tired of being 10% of the ManSomm population? Weary of mentors who undress to help you study for the... Read more

 

4th Jan 2017 in Articles

Notes on the 2017 Vintage - Worst Year Ever?

I traveled and tasted widely for this review of the wines of 2017. I think, in general, the vintage can be summed up as miserable. The wise consumer should give ’17 a Pass—“Donner” seems appropriate. This is not unexpected, of course.... Read more